#WhatIDoWhenIAmAlone

That wonderful hashtag in twitter greeted me good morning. And I haven't written anything in a while, so okay. I thought I would give it a go since it kind of sparked my frustrated-writer-ness. Also, I have more than one answer to that hashtag.

In relation to my current condition, for those of you who know, leaving me alone is dangerous. I'll give a brief description of what happens, if, well, you don't know. Well, first, I isolate myself from the world like a badass ninja. You won't even notice how I left. Then I start thinking about this thing I have. I think about it a lot actually, even when I'm surrounded by a sea of people. So I think, and think, and think. What started as harmless thoughts slowly transform into triggering urges that make me want to kill myself.

The mind is very powerful, they say. It's true. Things that don't exist become real if you want them to. Things you don't want to see suddenly become visible. You don't know what's real from what isn't anymore. And you're stuck in between, being at war with yourself, because you're trying to get out from this black hole you're being sucked in.

Eventually, I get sucked in this void, completely far off from light and reality, and my ugly thoughts take over.

And I hate myself for being like that. Well, what can I say. MY BRAIN IS FUCKED UP HAHAHA. At first I thought my eyes were just fooling me, but no. MY BRAIN IS. Okay.

HEY I'm not saying I'm a crazy psychotic bitch who sees things. Well it's sort of like that when I stand in front of the mirror. And right there, I already gave you a hint of this condition I have.

Oh God, I talk too much. Whatever. Just a random thought for this afternoon before I prepare for class.