Well, FUCK IT.

Being a kid born in the 90's, I prefer celebrating my birthday with people. Not with some random expensive gadget thrown at me just because I want it. Sure, thanks, I do want a new Mac Book Pro, but.. I'd rather have the people I love, with even just a cupcake with one tiny candle stuck in it, be in front of me instead of a laptop screen. Okay fine, asking for the cupcake is too much. So I'd just have the people. Or if they can just mail a cupcake to me, that's fine too.

Wow, it's like I'm living somewhere far from the Philippines hahaha KAINIS.

The point is, I don't care if I get a new fucking laptop. I don't want it. It's been imprinted on my brain na hanggang pangarap na lang ang Mac Book Pro sa akin. So, talaga namang hindi ko na siya inaasahan. I can make-do with this netbook of mine (that I want to throw off a cliff). But, I'm a sentimental person. I believe in traditions.

To whoever read my blog about debuts, I now know what I finally want for my birthday.

Do I seem bratty? Just because I said "I DON'T WANT A NEW LAPTOP FOR MY BIRTHDAY!!" when they're freely giving it to me? Let me rephrase that. I don't want it, but if you're going to give it to me, thank you.

It's just that, I don't want a laptop to replace people. I'm already alone enough over here.

SO when my mom asked me if it was okay if we just don't celebrate my birthday, and she'll just give me a laptop instead, I was like... o__o I don't know. Whatever you want. I never really asked for something extravagant to happen during my birthday.

I just want to be with my family in the most hassle-free way possible, without spending a fuck load of cash, without me being the total center of attention, without drama, without her getting mad just because I didn't get to go to mass at 7 in the morning because it was my birthday, without her nagging me about Catholicism and how we should put God first before everything, without her getting EVEN MORE angry BECAUSE I ALREADY KNOW ALL OF THAT.

Now that I think about it, I can predict what's going to happen during my 18th birthday. Lol. Mom's gonna get mad at me. What a surprise.

And now I know that's going to happen, I don't want to celebrate at all.

IT'S A FUCKING CYCLE.

I lived my whole life just following what mom says. So okay. Laptop it is. And I'm not allowed to show emotion to her because if I do, things will just get worse. Or I can be an actress now because I know how to play the psychotic kid, the silent one, the emotional daughter, and the "fake a smile but deep down I'm really fucked up" role.