October

Wow. Time flies. Only 3 months before Christmas. And a few weeks before my birthday.

Honestly, I don't even feel like celebrating my birthday. I don't know why, but yeah. I just don't.

I guess it's because I know i'll be at the dorm, away from my family and friends on the day of my birthday. Or maybe it's because I'm getting old. HAHAHA WHAT THE FUCK. :))

I'm only turning 18. People think it's some kind of a special age to turn into. They spend thousands just to celebrate it. I just think it's not anything special. And besides, I don't like being the center of attention. You know, with the sparkly dress, the guests I invited who aren't enjoying because I won't even get to entertain them all, I mean.. What's the point?

Not hating on traditional debutantes, but.. It's just not my thing, I guess. I've had a number of weird and awkward birthday celebrations. And now that I'm turning 18, everybody suddenly jumps up and goes crazy because "I'm turning 18"? I don't get it.

Birthday celebrations should be as fun and as special as debuts. Bakit ngayon lang?

Haha fuck this. I remember one of my birthday celebrations from when I was still in grade school. My mom invited my dad. Like, what the fuck. Seriously? Hahaha

Aaaaand idk. I'm just not in a happy disposition nor am I in the mood for celebrations. If it's some other person's birthday, sure, I'd be glad, but for my own? Idk. I just don't feel worthy of an extravagant (or at least something we don't usually do) celebration.

My mom's going cray trying to fish something out of me the other night. She kept asking me what I wanted for my birthday. So I asked myself: what did i fucking want?

I don't want them to spend large sums of money on me. I've already been such a burden to them, being the spoiled bunso and all. So, I just don't want them to go (even more) all out just because I'm turning 18.

I just don't deserve any of it.
I don't feel happy right now.
I don't want anything.
I don't know what i want.
I just don't know anymore.

See? Full of I's. I'm so selfish and self-centered. When will I stop and just fucking learn and grow up.

18. What's so special about that? It will pass. It always does.