Naive

Spending nights outside, being eaten by mosquitos, and just talking--about everything. Friends, high school days, family shit, life, and random things about each other.

What they have is so innocent. Like two little kids playing in a sandbox.

Though it frightens the both of them, knowing she's so young, and he's already been through enough. Oh, the endless possibilities. And yet, they're taking the risk.

You see, this girl is me. I am weak, vulnerable, and sick.

He came in without notice, and he turns out to be more than willing to help me.

I'm afraid that he just might manipulate me. But then again, no.
He's afraid that one day, I just might want to "have fun" and have "YOLO" moments.

Personally, I don't need that right now. It won't help me. And I don't want other sources of headaches.
I don't want to hate myself even more for doing the things I merely thought would help me "live life to the fullest".

Today's concept of "fun" is fooling around and getting drunk. I don't want that for myself. I've had a taste of it, and I don't like the feeling.

I've had my fair share of heartaches. Well, actually, no, not yet haha. But.. Yeah.

Not now, not tomorrow, not ever--would I want to feel so different and so far-off from who I really am. I've been there. I've asked myself "how did I become this way" because a lot of things just happened, all at once. And I changed.

This is indeed, a trying time for me. Being at war with myself, every single day, is exhausting.

And he's volunteering to help me.

I keep telling him that one day, he'll just grow tired of taking care of me, and that he'll just leave.
But he promised. Not only to me, but to my family.
And he feels pressured.

At some point, I just think he'll break. And I will understand.
Because right now, nothing is easy. Nothing is sure. Nothing is permanent.

But at least before we put a period to this sentence, we both got to feel young, innocent and alive, with the company of coffee and music.