Of familiarity, curiosity, and misunderstandings.

It's rare to find people whom you can have a substantial conversation with. I mean, I know a select few, but they're the people whom I've already known for so long. So they already know how my brain works.

But to find someone new, someone who doesn't know me as well, is kind of hard. I'd have to risk being thought of as someone who thinks so highly of herself, as someone who thinks she's a "smartass", and the like.

Where is this one person whom I can share thoughts about life with. Okay alam ko ang emo and ang cheesy. But seriously. Aren't we all looking for someone like this? Actually, we don't always have to talk about things that make sense. I'm looking for someone who can balance things out. Someone who can accept my weirdness and all the hang-ups in my life. I just need that one person who will be there.

Wait, no. I'm not "looking", I'm waiting. Even though I try so hard to distract myself from this thought, I can't help it. I'm at this point where my eyes are on the look out for someone.

Naks, nagdadalaga na. EMO. Landi. Haba ng hair.

Lahat na lang. Eh walang basagan ng trip. Come on, this is the first time I'm proclaiming to the world that I'm like this. Yes, there's another, softer side to me.

I'm not writing this to "pick up guys" or whatever. It's just something I need to let out in the form of typewritten words. It's something I can ponder on even more because it's different when I say it out loud. This is semi-spontaneous, something I can press the backspace on. If I were to say this in person, it wouldn't be as proper/formal.

Why? Because this is something I take seriously. I'm a sensitive person. I'm sure everyone is, but only to some extent. We all have our limits. But one thing I hate about myself, is how easily I fall for/like someone who immediately shows attention to me.

Sometimes I just want to jump off a cliff just so I could get a grip. Like, I just need one hard slap on the face to wake up. Right now, I don't really want to think about what if's and why's and how's, but it tortures me that I'm an over-thinker.

Then again, we're all scared animals here. In one loud gunshot, we get caught off our guards, freeze, and run away. We're HUMAN. We get hurt, we live on, we get hurt again, we become happy, and it's one big "HURT" cycle. Why? It's proof that we're living. It's one of the most bitter, yet fair slaps on our faces that we are still able to breathe, walk and talk.

Cliche, but if you fall, you stand up again. THAT'S LIFE. It's the norm. It's still inside "the box" which we've all been mentally constraining ourselves in. So why are we so scared to feel this way?

Someone told me that I'm too in love with the thought of being in love. Maybe. But love is beautiful. I haven't experienced it, but I just think it is. I think it's the ultimate test for us humans to see how hard we'd all work to save something we need/desperately want.

This is officially THE most cheesy thing I have ever written, in my whole fucking life. Hahaha whatever.

Well, I'm actually writing this during my CSB Life class. Aaaand it's almost over so okay.