Unsettling

Every single time I go online, I see my friends back in high school have pictures together.
Laughing together.
Eating together.
Being together.

It makes me feel so jealous and alone because I can't be there with them. I mean, due to reasons that can't really be avoided like, I don't stay here at my house in QC during weekdays and I barely get to go home on weekends especially now that finals are coming up. Plus the unpredictable weather. And the fact that I get sick all the time these past few weeks.

I can go on and on about why I can't make time to see them, but.. Can I just say that I miss them so much?

I feel like I can get a grasp of myself, and of the earth, once I get to be with them again.

Ugh. Living this life, I have to deal with reconnecting with people all the damn time. The hardest part is feeling like you're an outcast. Or worse, a stranger. -- Like a smelly and psychotic hobo that nobody wants come near to. Like you were never really their friend/sister/daughter to begin with and all the memories they have of you suddenly vanished.

I keep having a hard time trying to balance my relationships with people. Right now I think I got my family + boyfriend issue under control, but what happened to my friends back here at home?

I guess I just have to accept the fact that we all have separate lives and it's not "like high school" anymore.

It's hard though, because they all get together when everyone is FINALLY supposedly available and then some bullshit reason (like the weather and some condo-living issues) comes up and well.. You miss out on a lot of fun and a lot of probable conversations you could've had with them about catching up with each other.

In case you're wondering why I don't include "school" in my list of "to balance" things, I kept a promise to myself that I would never compromise my schoolwork for anything else. Lol. Yes, even family. I sacrifice family time for school time, or just so I could get some decent down-time.

Whatever.

So okay, to my friends:

I hope you guys haven't forgotten that I still care about all of you. And nooo, I haven't forgotten about ya'll. Nor have I replaced you guys. I still want to be your friend :< I still want to know what's going on with your lives these days, since we all got separated since graduation. Lol. Am I being too clingy? Or too distant? At this point, I don't know what I am to you guys. Am I just a ghost? A part of your pasts? History?

It hurts though, that I can't be near you guys and schedule quick "lunch dates". And the fact that I do  feel like an outcast right now :< Huhu all the fucking feels.

I still love you guys to death though :<

Omg this is turning sentimental.

After all, my high school friends are my real solid friends. They taught me the meaning of loyalty and what true friendship is. And "sisterhood". More like "brotherhood" because my group of friends and I weren't really the feminine sort of bunch. Ah I miss hanging out with you guys and being all skwater  and ugly because WE CAN and WE DON'T GIVE A FUCK. WAAAHSHETIMISSYOUGUYS.

Yep. This is how much friend-sick I can get. If there's such thing as homesick, it's safe to say that being friend-sick is a feeling a person can feel too. Meh. *meow*

PS: Sam, I am so sorry I didn't get to go to your house last weekend. Idk when you'll be back so.. Yeah. That really annoys me -__- We've been planning that get together for AGES and divhbhcihuijwopcd. MICROWAVE. Yeah. Bye. :<